He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. I told her that if it was going to make her unhappy I would forget about the whole idea. If that doesnt work then they go to the husband and present their cases, and the husbands role is to restore peace. Children can complicate matters further as each mother might feel the maternal pull to protect her own offspring more than the children of the other wives. I didnt really get it, but my parents are big on communication in a weeks time I was on board. Thembi says she knows people often question polygamous marriages but shes adamant that sometimes the women gain a lot more than the men. Mrs. Arslan was the first wife of her husband. Utah senate unanimously moves to decriminalize polygamy When people. The design was flexible and consent was taken for an in-depth interview. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. In many typical cultures like India, China, and Pakistan infanticide is a very common practice despite an illegal and social evil [5-7]. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . She got a marriage proposal from a married man to be his second wife as his first wife had a medical condition due to which he had not been able to sleep with her for last 11 years. Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mothers experience was awful. Understanding the Increase in Moral Acceptability of Polygamy - Gallup.com In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). Why does Islam allow polygamy? - Islam Ahmadiyya I was 14 when mom and dad told us Mam Thembi would be our second mother. Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didn't quite open, he is. She told her a tragic story. So, I was second selection of my in-laws." Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. The Benefits of Being the Second Wife - Brides Jealousy is something almost everyone is afflicted with at some point and just because someone chose to be in a polygamous marriage doesn't mean they deserve less sympathy than anyone else. Dealing with your partner's baggage. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? Mrs. Imam was the first wife with a love marriage and she had two female children in three years. The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. In a home with more than one wife, what happens when problems arise? "Risk"? The impact of polygamy on women's mental health: A - ResearchGate Voice | 'I'm a second wife and I don't care what you think' Decisions made by two people in first families are often made or influenced by four or more adults in stepfamilies. So infertility and no male child is the main factor to permit polygamy by the wives [8]. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. Stanford University Press. Crookston EM. And what if one of the wives has a problem with the way her husband is treating her? Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. What Is Marriage Coaching? 11 in-depth interviews were conducted with the help of the above-given interview guide with an age range of 18-50 years of polygamous women after obtaining initial data. Mormon women fear eternal polygamy, study shows. In some countries like India, Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, Algeria, Lebanon, Morocco, Jordan, and Kuwait allow a woman to include a clause prohibiting polygyny in marriage contacts. They often include not-so-subtle warnings about what's to come, designed to keep you strong and united in the face of conflict, change, hardship, kids. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. Divorce can be an expensive proposition. Most women dreaming of settling down probably aren't imagining doing so with a man who is already married. Miss Nadia was the 2nd wife of Mr. Imam. Data collection was not collected scientific way because of qualitative study and the findings cannot be generalized beyond the women in this study [24,25]. One Sunday morning Thamsanqa sat her down and asked her how shed feel if he took a second wife. I knew society is very cruel and it would be very tough for me to bring up them without father." Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. What's popular and why. Understand that he couldve cheated, but rather chose something that is common in African culture. Thamsanqa says its important to make sure you really want another wife, and to thoroughly analyse your reasons. But Im his last.. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? 2014. Tabi MM, Doster C, Cheney T. A qualitative study of women in polygynous marriages. The second wife will have all of these extra people in her life that she never bargained for and it can be a lonely or isolating feeling. Archives of Women's Mental Health. Its a hard stigma to run away from and can lead to many second marriage challenges. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. Why is it higher the second time around? Polygamy: As Supreme Court decides on banning it, here's how Muslim Treating me with the resentment of a union official watching a house being constructed with non-union labor, my erstwhile friend watched me build up and remodel my life. What's it like being a second wife in Malaysia? 4 sobering realities You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. I don't care about the feelings of his first wife, his first . Concept of one soulmate for everyone is flawed anyway. Data collection from the participants may have been affected by differences in age, years, and rank in marriage, educational level, and religious faiths. So You Want to Marry a Second Wife?: Advice from A Man with More Than For the majority of these women, infertility, love marriage by husband, lack of social and financial support, and fear of divorce were the cited reasons for allowing co-wives in their marriage. Psychological impact of polygamous marriage on women and children: a Mrs. Amir was the 2nd wife and also had no children her husband married her for children and his family again forced him for 3rd wife by giving the reference of the religious doctrine. It was an arranged marriage. It could have been the man's problem too. A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. I know in some families the children of the first wife have some sort of higher status, but this is my home and I dont want to raise my children like that, Thamsanqa says. 2002; 32(1-2): 58-66. Its like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy This can make for a challenging home life from day to day. You constantly feel that your partner knowingly or unknowingly puts his previous family before you and your needs. What it's like to be in a polygamous marriage? Muslim Malaysians share Therefore, in line with the objectives of this study, qualitative interviews were a superlative choice for inductive approaches aimed at generating concepts and hypotheses that have far more potential for research than any other model. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. Though she faced a lot of criticism from the first wife. Mrs. Tanveer was though accepted her husband's second wife but she told, when my husband got married to the second wife this sharing was indeed hurting for me. Mrs. Imam was 58 years old working lady living with her 2 children and a relationship with her co-wife. Further, they accepted co-wives as fate roles and made compromises rather than separation in most of the wives even they had kids. You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. She said, I don't think I was the one that could not have children. disadvantages of being a second wife islam Unhappiness and loneliness: Mrs. Gulzar was unhappy about a lot of things in the marriage. 2009; 103(1): 17-29. Yet we have to shake off the stigma attached to being The Second Wife and say, with a smile, Yes indeed, Im his second wife. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." An interview guide was prepared before conducting interviews which were consisted of the following research questions based on literature. Lillian, for example, says she changed her mind because she could see how sorry Thamsanqa was for hurting her, and when he explained his reasons she was able to move from heartbreak to acceptance. Current Psychology. The two new wives bullied my mother and called her names. The study was an attempt to gain perspective about the causes of polygamy, its consequences, and the most important womens ways of coping strategies in polygamous marriages. In the current study, co-wives reported several negative consequences of polygamy such as jealousy, lack of trust, unhappiness, loneliness, unequal financial division, and social privileges among the multiple wives those are consistent with previous studies conducted in UAE, Kuwait, Egypt, Jordan, the Gaza Strip, Arabs in Israel, Palestine, and Turkey which point out that the wives in polygamous marriages have reportedly more psychosocial, familial and economic problems compared to their counterparts from monogamous families [16-20]. 1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. Also watch: A guide for second wives to create a happy blended family. If he does so, either in public or secret, she has the right to divorce him. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Psychosocial and familial functioning of children from polygynous and monogamous families. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". Thamsanqa clears his throat and holds his wifes hand as he tells us that after being married for 15 years, he knew he needed a second wife. In rare cases, men have carried on double lives, marrying two women and supporting two families, with neither wife knowing about the other. 2 Meet other future spouses. Azad Chaiwala says he first "came out" as polygamous when he was just 12 . But Ron and I had already endured hardship . Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. As of early 1842, Brigham Young was a contented monogamist. Polygamy, Brigham Young and His 55 Wives | HuffPost Religion The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. Lateron, both married.

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